I'm so pleased that you boys care about the environment.
Hey, recycling cans is important,
and I love this planet, and I want our children to live in a better place.
Maddie's not here.
Oh. Then you carry this junk.
Hey, mister, are you finished with that can?
Good. Thank you.
You can't touch that man's can.
And why are you dragging these bags through my lobby?
Sorry.
Great. What else could go wrong today?
Wohh!
Well, that answers that.
Good thing those cans were there to break her fall.
Moseby, has my new yoga mat arrived?
I'm busy, London.
Someone needs to relax.
Please. He's never relaxed a day in his life.
Not true. I was very relaxed
before you and the twin tornadoes moved in.
You leave my tornadoes out of this.
You know, you guys should really do yoga.
You are so stressed.
I am not stressed.
Neither am I, and if I am it's because of you.
Me? You're the one who lets those kids run wi--
wow. What did you do to them?
It's a relaxation technique I learned from a Tibetan monk.
Show us.
Me first. No. Me.
I love you, Cody.
I love you, Zach.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
I don't care what your Teddy bear has told you, Emily.
It's not polite to stick crayons down someone's back.
Maddie, I hurt my finger again. Can you kiss it?
Randall, I've already kissed it 5 times.
I think I cut my lips.
Nice try.
She wants me.
Hey, maddie. I'm recycling. You know why?
Because I love this planet almost as much as I love you.
Good for you.
She wants me.
Now, get to work.
You guys didn't see Blake, did you?
He's supposed to be here helping me.
No, but we'll help you.
Thanks. But I'm not sure you guys are mature enough to handle this.
Please. Who knows more about taking care of kids than a kid?
What's it gonna cost me?
Dinner, a movie,
and something smokin' to write in my blog.
Hey, blondie, stay away from my girl.
Aw. You have a "wittle" crush on maddie.
That's so cute.
I bet I have more armpit hair than you.
Everyone has more armpit hair than him.
Hey. They're blond, and they're hard to see.
Yeah. All 2 of 'em.
Good one.
If you're going to help,
you can start by not acting like children
in front of the children.
Do you like coloring?
I sure do, little one.
When I was in 1st grade, I won a free ice cream sundae
for my work on the enchanted ponyyou're weird.lng book.
He's got you pegged.
Ow!
Little boy, it's not nice to kick people in the shin.
Ow!
Look, kid, I know Santa,
and someone just made the naughty list.
I'm Jewish.
Come on, moseby.
No. I feel silly.
People will laugh at me.
No one will laugh at you.
Ok, I need to get in, get relaxed, and get out.
Grab my ear.
I can't follow you around all day pinching your ear to relax you.
You have to find other ways to allow the stress
to break free from your inner core.
Good luck cracking that shell.
Welcome. For the next hour,
this room will be a sanctuary of peace...
And quiet.
[Cell phone rings]
Ooh. Got to take this.
Please continue with your peace and quiet.
What?
Moseby, you're disrupting the class.
There's a woman in pajamas doing the limbo in the lobby.
And you have other employees who can deal with it.
I hear them complaining about you all the time.
[Gasps] Who complains?
Is it Jenkins? He's never liked me.
That's because you're always stressed-out and cranky.
Try being nice.
Deal with it!
Now, listen to the teacher.
She's the expert.
Let's start with a bhastrika breathing technique.
Where'd you get that? The back of a cereal box?
Excuse me?
Well, it's just
when I was taught yoga the right way,
we always began with the promari breathing technique.
I'll have you know I have been teaching yoga for 20 years.
Badly.
And I was worried this wasn't going to be relaxing.
Well, hello there, Mr. dog.
Hi there, Mr. giraffe.
What's it like up there?
I'll tell you what it's like down here.
Boring.
Here you go, little guy.
Maddie, your grandmother's in the lobby
doing the limbo in her pajamas.
Again?
That's horrible.
Actually, she's very good. How low can you go?
I should've known not to leave my brother in charge of her.
Oh. He did leave this note stapled to her nightie.
"Went to the movies. Here's grandma. Love, Liam."
I've got to get her home.
Esteban, you have to stay here and watch the kids.
Oh, I cannot.
I just need to walk grandma home, and I'll be right back.
Besides, it's nap time.
But I'm not tired.
Not you. The kids.
Zack and Cody will help you.
Wait. Wha--
don't worry, Esteban. Taking care of kids is easy.
I'm bored.
Good. Then go to sleep. Nap time, everyone.
I just ate 12 sugar sticks.
You ever eat 12 sugar sticks?
Try 12 sugar logs, with a 6-pack of soda.
So don't mess with me, kid.
Now, go grab your mats and let's go nappy-bye.
I want my Dolly!
Ok, ok, ok. Is it this one?
No.
How about this one?
Nuh-uh.
This one? Please say yes.
No.
Ok. Do you remember where you last saw your Dolly?
At the park. Last summer.
Esteban, we need some help getting these kids to sleep here.
[Groans]
Do you know any lullabies?
Yes. I sing one to my pet chicken Dolly every night. Ok, ok.
Lie down, little ones. Lie down.
♪ Rock-a-bye, chicken ♪
♪ in the treetop ♪
♪ watch out for the farmer ♪
♪ your head he will chop ♪
[All crying]
Do you have anything
that doesn't involve decapitating poultry?
Take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Can I make a suggestion?
If it's another comment about my split ends, I would prefer you didn't.
It's not. It's about your lousy yoga technique...
And your split ends.
Before I taught yoga,
I was a female golden glove champion.
So what? All my gloves are golden.
I'm trying to teach a class here.
You're trying but not succeeding.
Well, I'm not relaxed, but I am entertained.
If you think you could do better, you teach the class.
That's the best suggestion you've had all day.
Fine.
All right. Ok. And I am out of here.
No! I'm doing this because I care about your health.
Wait! Wait! Wait!
I'm taking over the class.
Oh, this should be good.
Class, everyone, relax,
and let's go to a happy place.
[Ringing]
Don't make me come over to that mat.
♪ Moseby's in trouble ♪
Would you stop.
No. No, I can't talk right now.
Because I will get in trouble with the teach--
er.
Tell Esteban to drop everything and take care of it.
Sorry about that.
Teacher. Yes.
Moseby's text messaging.
No, I am not. The phone is in my pocket.
It's on vibrate.
[Vibrating]
Continue.
You're really good at this.
How did you figure out that rock-and-bounce technique?
It's not a technique.
I just really have to go to the bathroom.
[Squeaks]
Maddie.
Must destroy Zach.
That kid should be locked up somewhere.
[Cell phone rings]
This is Esteban Ricardo Montoya de rosa Ramirez.
What? In the lobby?
That is horrible.
Go on, Esteban. We can take care of the kids.
But maddie left me in charge here.
I can't leave little peoples in charge of littler peoples.
We can handle it. They're all asleep.
Oh, gracias. I'll be right back.
[Slams]
Aah! Aah!
Zach, don't just stand there.
Do something.
You are not my mommy.
I...
Want my mommy!
Cody, I think she wants you.
I wanna play horsey.
Ok.
Come on, horsey! Faster!
Faster!
Neigh!
My parents paid good money for me to have fun. And guess what.
You wanna give me a tip?
Sure. You should do something
about your disproportionate head.
It was a bad haircut.
I wanna play in the hotel. How about sliding down the air ducts?
You're not ready for that.
Surfing on a luggage cart?
Overrated.
Fishing in the restaurant aquarium?
Nah. Huh. Interesting.
I wanna play hide-and-seek.
Ok. You hide. We'll count.
No peeking.
Both: 1, 2, 3, 4,
8, 9, 10.
Wow. They're good.
Where are the littler peoples?
We're playing hide-and-go-seek.
Oh.
And we lose.
What do you mean? They're gone.
Ay, dios mio. This is terrible.
Yeah. I only did this to impress maddie.
But I don't think losing the kids and getting her fired is very impressive.
Esteban, you stay with the baby.
[Groaning]
[Cell phone ringing]
Hello.
But I'm busy.
Oh. Ok. If Mr. moseby says I must, I must.
I'll be there right away.
[Crying] Oh, ay, yi, yi.
[Groans]
This stinks.
This really stinks.
Are you feeling relaxed now, moseby?
[Grunts]
Not really.
But I have lost the feeling in both my legs.
I really think we should stop.
I won't let you stop.
Just like when you wouldn't let me stop when you taught me the alphabet.
But that took 14 years.
And now I know my abd's.
Oh! Oh!
Ok, everyone breathe deeply
and put your right toe in your left ear.
Couldn't I just use a cotton swab?
Did you find anything?
Nothing.
I brought us these walkie-talkies
so we can split up and stay in contact.
Where do you think they went?
I'm not sure. But look at this.
Both: "Ha ha ha. Turn around"?
Incoming!
Duck!
Suckers!
I really hate that kid. Let's get him.
You take the elevator. I'll take the stairs.
Zach.
Yeah.
Be careful out there.
You, too, little brother. You, too.
Papa bear to mama bear.
Why do I have to be mama bear?
Ok, fine.
Papa bear to goldilocks.
I hate you.
I've locked in on another target.
Stand by for delivery.
Hi, Emily.
Teddy?
Come quietly or the bear gets a mustache.
No!
Gotcha.
I hate you.
Get in line.
Shh.
[Footsteps]
Mmm.
Gotcha!
Do you mind?
I'm eating here.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Come on. Come on. Go get him. Get him, get him.
Welcome to the tipton.
Just one more minute.
Ok, it's...
Esteban, cute baby.
Thank you.
Where are the other kids? I put you in charge.
Mr. moseby put me in charge of everything else.
Do not worry. Zack and Cody have everything under control.
Get back here, young man.
Not gonna happen, old man.
I'll be back for you, my love.
Zack: Did I ever tell you how pretty you are when you're angry?
Well, I must be gorgeous because I'm furious.
Hey, I would never let you down.
You'll be so impressed
when you see how this great father-to-be has corralled these little suckers.
How could you let this happen?
Well, the little blonde girl tripped me
and then... It's all a blur.
Randall: You'll never find me. You'll never find me.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Hah!
You let the enemy get a hold of your talkie?
Great. Now I'm going to lose my job.
Wait a minute. There's a homing device on the talkies.
Yeah. We'll use yours to track Randall down.
Hey!
There. By that plant.
[Clicking]
[Gasps]
We're dealing with an evil genius.
"A rose for maddie.
"You make me wish I were a better person.
Love, Randall."
That's so sweet.
I can't believe I'm losing you to a younger man.
How are we gonna find them now?
There. Sugar stick dust.
Wait. This could be a trap.
For maddie, that's a chance I'm willing to take.
You go first.
And to think I wouldn't even be here
if it weren't for those monsters you call children.
[Cracking]
I meant "monsters" in a good way.
I don't think you're in any position to be criticizing my kids.
[Cracking]
Mama Mia!
That's it, moseby.
Release all that bad energy.
I will as soon as she releases my hands.
Oh!
May I please go now?
Moseby, stop resisting. Just try it.
Cross your legs.
Close your eyes. Take deep, slow breaths.
Now, clear your head of all thoughts.
Easy for you to say.
O-k.
Now, relax all of your muscles.
Breathe into every part of your body
and exhale all the stress away.
I can't believe it.
I actually feel relaxed.
Kids: Aah!
Well, it was nice while it lasted.
Freeze!
Sit.
Would someone please untangle me.
Oh.
[Groans]
What is going on here?
Why are the children running around my hotel?
And where are my day care workers?
Wait. I think they ran in here.
Freeze!
Step back.
About face.
Oh, Mr. moseby.
Hope the children did not disturb you.
They did.
Madeline, what is the meaning of all of this?
Oh, well, it's a yoga class, and people come here to relax.
That's not what I meant.
I'm so sorry, Mr. moseby.
But I had a family emergency and I had to leave Esteban in charge.
I'm sorry, too, Mr. moseby,
but I had to leave Zack and Cody in charge
so I could follow your orders.
Which means this is clearly your fault, Mr. moseby.
But rest assured, we forgive you.
Oh, well, that's awfully big of you.
But somebody here has to take responsibility.
Mr. moseby, you just don't know what it's like to deal with kids.
They don't listen to you.
Zack: They have no respect for authority.
They run all over the lobby like maniacs.
Welcome to my world.
Not so easy being in charge, is it?
Maybe from now on, you'll be a little more considerate.
That's right. Not gonna happen.
Look, I understand that you all tried your very best.
But the fact is,
the reputation of the tipton hotel has been irreparably damaged.
Excuse me. My son just told me
about the day that he had at camp tipton.
Oh, I am terribly sorry, ma'am.
Sorry? He had a great time.
He wants to come back tomorrow and play with Zack and Cody.
And I'm bringing all my brothers and sisters.
Kids: Yay!
Both: No!
Hey, toots, looks like we have a date tomorrow.
And as if this day hasn't been bad enough,
now I have to go home and limbo with granny.
Maddie, how low can you go?
Well, you should try yoga to relax.
Oh, yeah. In all my spare time.
When I'm not doing homework or selling candy bars
or wrangling little kids or scrubbing crayon off my backside.
I love you, London.
Everybody does.